I may have been a little distracted lately. This is because I have been partaking in my only real (current) hobby of painting miniatures, or my Little Men as I call them.
Anyway, I have just completed a pair of Little Men and whilst they are not of professional quality, they ain’t bad. At least I’m happy with them.
So, here are a few samples so that you can see what I’ve been up to recently…
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| From Little Men |
I went shopping today. My mission: to buy a toaster. I knew where to look, I had a budget and most importantly, I had the desire for toast.
But I decided upon no ordinary, two slice or four common or garden variety of toaster, no. I went for the all singing, all dancing sandwich toaster / contact grill / cooky thing you see here. This master piece of modern cookiness is wonderful. Here you see it in it’s natural environment of The Kitchen. This is it in it’s awake but dormant state as you can see from the little red light on the top.
Here we have the beast open and with it’s trap set ready for the prey. The natural diet for these creatures is of course mostly bread although they do regularly take steaks, chops, bacon and their special favourites, Panini. If we are lucky we may see this fine example catch something. Let us wait quietly in the waste bin and see if anything comes along. With patience we may just get a glimpse of this fine specimen catching a meal.
Did you see that, ladies and gentlemen? Such speed and grace. Now, within those massive and powerful jaws the two poor slices of brown bread that thought that they were safely taking a stroll from the bread bin to the fridge. But now, they are just another tasty meal for this Silver Backed Cooky Thing. You can tell from the now illuminated green light that the beast is busy with the hapless slices. Once it has finished sucking the life juices from the lifeless bodies of the bread it will spit forth the stiffened bodies and await a new catch.
And there we have it. Once the Silver Backed Cooky Thing has released the remains of it’s meal, I am enjoy mine. Perfectly browned toast, buttered to perfection and then with creamy scrambled egg upon it. Glorious.
Firstly I would like to thank the Lovely Helga Hansen for bringing these items to my attention. Secondly, I would like to thank her once again for not getting at all upset at my constant barage of piss taking regarding the above mentioned shoes. (Anti-shoes, whatever.) And thirdly, I would like to continue to take the piss, but now with a little more in the way of experience to back up my mirth. Yes folks, I have at long last actually tried the things on and it is nothing like walking in sand. Thank f#%k for that. I get what they mean by the walking in sand comment, but it is so off putting that it really doesn't help. No, it's like walking over a ploughed field. You know the feeling. Once all that mud has attached its self to your shoes, not only do you become a little taller, but you become somewhat unstable. And that is what these shoes do for you. They make you taller and unballanced. Not my idea of fun.Quality is crap as I made with with my compact digital camera and it wasn’t even on the right settings. My try again when I leave this morning…
Dreams - I dream of being woken by the movement of the lady next to me. Her subtle stirrings causing me to gently wake; take in the dawn through the open window and feel the warm air from outside across my face. The birds sing occasionally.
Reality - The jack hammers started early this morning. They are digging up the road outside the front of the house and I first heard their hammering at about 6:45am. They started at 06:30 but since I have to wear ear plugs to sleep, I managed to sleep through a little of their noise this morning. And I don't mean the hand held jack hammers, I mean the sort that are directly attached to the front of a JCB type thing. We have two of them working on the road at the moment and then more JCB type things pick up the broken tarmac and drop it (from as high as possible) into nearby trucks. The lady in question does not sleep in my bed and when the central heating fails, about once a week, it's damn cold. The fresh aroma of diesel fumes fill the air but I am happy to report that as yet, they are unable to pollute the light coming in through my window.
That I have never tried. This is easy. If I ever just uncouple my train of thought my mind wanders sufficiently far for it to be a bit of a concern. You probably know the feeling. There are times when if you really try not to think of anything, then your mind picks up it’s own scent and chases it’s tail for a while before heading for the hills. Half way up it’ll spot something *of interest*, take a right and then you know it’s time to call out search and rescue. What your mind is carrying in it’s jaws when you finally catch up with it is any ones guess. Well I have to keep my mind on a tight reign as it constantly has the echo of The Call of The Wild within earshot. If the gate isn’t bolted properly, then I know that at the first opportunity it’ll be off again and I’m in for another journey through the mist to The Witches Cottage. Sometimes this it’s an enlightening experience and sometimes it’s a nightmare. This time I decided to just give it one of those really, really long leads and just try and keep up.
I would also like to thank The Projectivist for the idea…
So, 5 Random Things That I Have Never Tried…
Hang Gliding – I was invited on a hang gliding holiday once which never happened. Since then I’ve always wondered what it is like to hang glide. I’ve flown a lot. I’ve even done a parachute jump. In fact I used to have a Private Pilots Licence and I still (technically) hold a valid Glider Pilots Licence, but I haven’t taken the controls of an aircraft in about 20 years. I’d still love to try this. It must be such fun.
Eating Snails – Just why???? Why? Huh? For &*%$# sake why?
Trying to Outrun the Police – Why, you ask? I don’t know. It just seems to be something that everyone should try at least once before they can afford a car with any sort of real performance. I think that one of the reasons why I think that everyone should try it is to see exactly how damn hard it really is. I’ve had several police cars sniff at my arse and go Blackpool on me, but each time I just slow down and pull over. I lack balls.
Flashing – OK, not the sort of thing that an overweight 40 something should even be thinking about, but this is the sort of thing that as a senior teenager many of my friends were getting involved in. I always heard about these things after the event though. I was over thirty before I was persuaded to watch some strippers.
Singing in Public – Unless I receive significant training from a miracle worker, this will not happen. This is for your own good.
